Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

News

Happy Sunday, all.  Hope you’re doing well.

There’s been a lot going on in my neck of the woods lately.

First, after 8 years, I’ve switched to a new web host company. It’s my first time manually transferring a site from one host to another, so there have been some growing pains.  I think I have the main portions of my site at least working again – it’ll just take some time to do the minor tweaking.  So there may be some changes in the works soon.

Second, there’s some exciting news in my personal life.  My boyfriend and I have decided to move in together sometime in June. We’ve been together for almost three years, and he amazingly hasn’t gotten sick of me yet. We have our eyes and hearts set on a townhouse that we toured a few weeks ago. We’re wait-listed, however, and just need to wait for one to open up.  It’s a pretty big step for me. I’ve never moved in with a boyfriend before.  I’m pretty excited, however.  Unfortunately, that means almost every weekend is taken up with going through storage boxes and doing a massive downsizing of personal property.  Learning how to merge homes is going to be interesting.

On the weight loss front, I’m not actively focusing on tracking, but have been trying to keep my snacking to a minimum. Luckily, it seems to be working at the moment. I’m still losing or maintaining. Which, considering all that’s going on in my life I’m satisfied with.  Down 36 pounds at this point!

 

March 20, 2016admin 1 Comment »
FILED UNDER :Life in General , Love , Weight Watchers / Weight Loss

Chronic Illness and Love

My last post in January was about my back issues.  Sadly, so is this one.  It’s still almost a daily struggle for me, unfortunately.  On the plus side, this is the first time that it’s gone out this badly in almost 7 months.  Every other time since, I’ve been able to push through.  This time I was off for over a week without pay. So that sucked. Ended up needing more injections, as well.  May need more next week. Possibly even an epidural.

As those of you also dealing with a chronic illness know, it can be pretty demoralizing.  The repeated doctors visits, the trying of one medication after another, they all wear you down.  Especially when there’s so little payoff.  I have to be so careful at times – and even then, I feel such lack of control, because my best behavior doesn’t always help.  I’ve missed out on so many opportunities and experiences because of it.  If not because of the pain or the risk of it going out, then because of the financial toll.  I’ve been trying harder lately to experience life to the fullest, but there’s still things I can’t do or have a hard time doing.

My parents, especially my mom, have been wonderful and have taken care of me so incredibly.  Helping me with shopping, helping me pick things up, driving me to appointments.  I could never express how thankful I am.  But honestly, without my boyfriend, I don’t know how I would have made it.  He has been so beyond incredibly supportive.  I try so so hard to be strong, but sometimes I just can’t keep it all bottled up.  Every time I’ve broken down and cried on him, he has never failed to immediately take me into his arms and tell me it is going to be okay.  He’s never failed to tell me he loves me and that he loves me just as I am.

It might be a product of my own self-esteem, which has honestly taken a beating from all of this, but I worry constantly about being too much of a downer or ending up being a burden.  His response has always been that I could never be a burden and that he’s happy with me and loves me.  In my darkest moments, I still worry that I don’t deserve him; that he might be better off with someone who doesn’t have these problems.  I don’t ever want him to miss out on something because of me.

I came to a realization the other day, however.  He’s never once given me any reason to doubt how much he loves me.  He’s never once given me any reason to believe that he’s tired of dealing with my issues or that he doesn’t accept me as I am.  This is what love is.  Love is being there for the person you love in good times and bad.  If (god forbid) it were him going through something like this, I wouldn’t hesitate to be by his side and support him in any way that I could.  I would stand by his side no matter what.  Because I love him. It’s as simple as that.

My work mom today reminded me that that’s what an adult relationship is.  Being there for each other.  We all have our issues.  If there was something that limited him being able to do something, I wouldn’t leave him to go find someone else who could.  So I just need to trust him and myself. Because wow.  How I love this man and his daughter.  And when I’m not down and beaten, I can admit that I’m not so bad myself.

I have hopes that this will eventually get under control again.  Maybe pure weight loss is the answer.  Maybe not. It won’t fix the arthritis and bulged discs and cyst, but it can only help. In the meantime, I’m just going to do what I can and accept the love and help that is offered.

November 10, 2015admin No Comments »
FILED UNDER :Health , Love

2015 Goals

Hi all! Yes, two posts from me within one month!

Things are still so-so for me. Struggling with my back some this week and yet another sinus infection. I think the hardest part of having to deal with my back issues is just the missing out on living. I have to be so careful as one wrong move can throw it out again. Sometimes, it’s just sitting wrong or bending wrong or standing wrong. And you never realize it was wrong until it’s too late.

I miss getting out and enjoying life. I miss going walking at the arboretum and going to museums and art galleries and socializing with friends as much as I used to. I hate missing out – both on the life experiences in general and the opportunities to connect with loved ones.

But I’m going to keep doing my physical therapy and keep trying to lose weight in the hopes that that will help some. I still had problems with my back at my lowest weight, but it wasn’t like this. Hopefully this hasn’t become just a chronic thing I have to live with forever.  At least on this scale.

While I don’t believe in resolutions, I do believe in goals.  Goals are good to have and to work for. They keep you moving and striving for something better.  I have several for this year:

  • Continue working on losing weight. I’ve slipped the past couple of weeks. But while I haven’t been tracking meticulously, I’ve tried to stay conscious of what I’ve eaten and haven’t been overdoing it too horribly.
  • Continue working on making my back as healthy as it can be with my walking and physical therapy exercises.
  • Try to keep to a minimum the times that my back keeps me from doing things, if at all possible. I need to still get out and experience life.  And I need to try harder to get time in with my friends, regardless of how my back is doing.
  • Continue focusing on building and renewing relationships with the people I care about. Spend more time with the people that make me feel good and less time with those who make me feel bad about myself.
  • Be as good of a girlfriend and partner to my boyfriend as I can be. I want him to know how much I love him and that he truly has someone on his side, someone’s got his back. I want him to know that he has someone he can lean on in good and bad times. Along with this, continue to nurture my relationship with his daughter. I want to be someone she can count on, as well.
  • And lastly, continue working on my finances and getting debt paid off. I have a plan, and have already implemented it, but it’s gotten sidelined the past couple of years by medical bills. So this year I signed up for an FSA to help recoup some of that money. My allergy shots alone will probably help me meet my deductible this year. I do need to look into other ways I can cut back.

It seems like a lot, but really, other than getting my debt paid off, they’re all long-term goals that aren’t rigid. They’re life-betterment processes.  Or that’s how I see them. Baby steps to make my life more enriched and fulfilled and to help bring focus on things that are important to me.

What are some of your goals for this year?

January 16, 2015admin 2 Comments »
FILED UNDER :Health , Life in General , Love , Weight Watchers / Weight Loss

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to you!

It’s been a very long time since I’ve written on here. Very long indeed. I feel, however, that blogging is something I’d like to start again. I’m not promising daily posts, but I am promising an effort. I think my journaling form of blogging was good for me. As before, this blog won’t solely focus on weight loss. It’ll be whatever I feel I need or want to write about pertaining to my life.

2014 was a very rough year for me in most ways. I’ve struggled with a back issue for years, but it has been mostly manageable for the last decade.  This year, it decided to be extremely trying. I’ve had visits to the hospital several times because of it. The first time resulted in an extremely frustrating overnight stay. The second go-round involved the nurses not even asking me what my pain was on the 10 point scale. “That looks like a 10 to me.” It also resulted in me being out on short-term for over a month from work.  I’ve been through two rounds of physical therapy and multiple steroid trigger-point injections. I think these injections have helped the most.  I believe I was able to ward off more ER visits with a third round of injections in November. They want to go in and burn/kill some of my nerves in my lower back next time, but I’m going to avoid that if at all possible.

I have degenerative disc issues, bulged discs (plural), and arthritis in my back.

Right now, I’m stable-ish. I have to take a pain pill most evenings along with doing my physical therapy exercises as often as I can throughout the day. I can’t take the pain medicine during the day because it makes me too groggy.  On top of the back issues, the physical therapy has recently caused a second flare-up of tendinitis in my foot. Which, of course, makes it difficult to do my physical therapy exercises for my back. It’s a vicious cycle.

Factor in more than one sinus infection, beginning allergy injections, and a host of other fun things, it’s been a rough year health-wise.

On the plus side, I’m back on Weight Watchers and was down 21 pounds the last time I weighed in.  Unfortunately, that was before Christmas and my scale has finally died after 8 years of faithful service so I’m not entirely sure where I am right now. I know I’ve slipped a bit in my diligence, but I’ve stayed somewhat aware of what is going into my mouth. Once I get a new scale, I can check in as to where I am.

As with my blogging, I’m not promising perfection this time around. Last time I was on weight watchers, I was very much a hermit and rarely went out. That’s quite different this time around. I’m allowing myself to be more flexible and to have more fun. It’s going slower, but I think I’ll be happier in the long run.

On the happy side of things, November marked a year and a half with my boyfriend and his four year old daughter. They have brought quite a bit of laughter and joy to my life. He’s such a great dad and is a very caring, affectionate man. She is such a loving, imaginative little girl. I love them both very much.

More to come in my next post; I just wanted to get the ball rolling. I hope 2014 was a good year for you and that 2015 is one of your best yet.

If any of you who used to check in are still around, please feel free to drop me a note in the comments. I’d love to hear from you and find out how you’re doing. Same goes for those of you who might be stopping by for the first time.  Welcome!

January 1, 2015admin 6 Comments »
FILED UNDER :Health , Life in General , Love , Weight Watchers / Weight Loss