I haven’t written anything on here since January.  That’s kind of pathetic.  I hope you all are doing well.

My life has been pretty crazy the past few months.  Lots of upheaval with work and in my personal life.

And my weight is pissing me off.  Yet I can’t seem to come up with the energy or drive to do anything about it.  But it’s reaching the point where it’s keeping me from doing things that I really want to do.  Like go see Matchbox Twenty tomorrow night.  I hate having to worry again about how squishy the seats are going to be.  It makes me sad and puts even more stress and anxiety on myself.

But I’m still in the area of trying to figure out how to balance eating more natural and healthy with losing weight the way I need to.  For several months I ate almost nothing but organic, natural foods, but I have major problems with portion control and being hungry all the time, so my weight just kept creeping up.  And when you combine that with higher fat foods (instead of the processed low fat, low calorie, etc. crap I was eating on my Weight Watchers journey before) that’s a recipe for disaster in the weight department.  And I’m sorry, but I just can’t survive on a diet of veggies alone.  However, after going so long with eating the more natural foods, I have a really hard time seeing the ingredients in the things I used to eat and still purchasing them.  Just can’t do it.

So I’ve put blinders on and have been eating out a lot where I can’t see the ingredients and have been living in la-la land. Haha  But I really need to start making an effort again and start cooking more often.

In my personal life, I’m not seeing the guy that I was seeing when I wrote on here last.  He’s an amazing guy and was very good to me,  but things just didn’t work out for us.  I’m very glad that we’re still friends, though.  I am seeing someone else now, though, and have been for about the last two months.  He’s a great guy and we have a lot in common.  Even went to the same elementary school and high school though he’s several years older than I am.  We’ve been spending a lot of time together and I’m going to get to meet his daughter and his parents this weekend.

It seems I’m going to see a live production of Rocky Horror tomorrow night.  That should be interesting.  And my mom is currently in the hospital after having knee replacement surgery on Tuesday.  This is her second time as she had the other knee done a few years ago.  She seems to be doing well, though, and should hopefully get to come home tomorrow.

Well, that’s it for me.  Take care.

Hi people!

I know, I know….my blog writing has been kinda on the sketchy side lately.  I apologize – not that I think you’re anxiously sitting at the edge of your seat just waiting for me to post something.  😛 I know better than that.  But things have been a little nuts in my world lately.

First, a couple of comments regarding my Wordless Wednesday post of last week.  The first pic was of my first taste of Indian food.  I went with my friends who moved here to KC (who both love Indian and have tried it at various places across the country & whose hands you can see in the pic).  My bowl was the one to the immediate left and I got the butter chicken at about a medium spiciness level.  All I can say is yuuuummmmm.  Have actually been craving it the past couple of weeks.  My friend, Shawna, got the chicken tikka masala (I think) which is the bowel at the top of the pic.  Here’s the pic again:

The second pic was from the play “Evil Dead: The Musical.”  I went to see it with a couple of other friends the Sunday before last and absolutely freaking loved it.  If you get the chance, and it’s playing in your city, check it out.  Of course, a love of cheesy low budget horror flicks and musicals will help your enjoyment of it.  It was hysterical, but also definitely not for the kiddies.  But it was a blast and I totally enjoyed every minute.

As for me, things have been pretty much a whirlwind.  There’s been a lot going on with me, not all that I feel comfortable talking about on here.  My eating has not been at it’s best.  Still eating out way too often, but unfortunately haven’t been making up for it lately by doing better at home.  I’m thinking about making a pact with myself for now that I can eat out as often as I like…as long as when I’m home I “behave” myself. 😛  I think that’s about the only thing that’s going to work for me right now – while I’m still getting myself back into the swing of living.

You all know this has been a year of rediscovery for me.  And it’s been a very, very interesting year.  I’ve really opened myself up to new experiences and new opportunities.  And I’m remembering parts of myself that have long lain dormant.  I’m a very emotional person – not that I’m crazy emotional or anything – I just feel things with my whole heart.  If I’m excited, I get really excited.  If I care about somebody, I really care about somebody.  If I feel sad, I really feel sad.  And it’s really no wonder to me that I shut down so completely for so long after my brother died.  There’s a line in one of the Lady Antebellum songs I’ve been listening to lately (which isn’t a new concept) that says “I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all.”  That used to be my motto as I was growing up.  When my brother died, my attitude changed completely.  And now, I just don’t know where I stand.

Because in letting the joy of living back into my life, I also have to let the sorrows back in, too.  And sometimes, life just hurts.  As I said, it’s been a whirlwind year – with both joys and sorrows.  But to be totally honest, I have to say that I don’t regret a single thing about it.  Not one single thing.  And I think that’s an amazing thing to be able to say.  Do I wish some things had turned out differently? Sure.  Do I still have hopes that are unfulfilled? Sure.  But I cherish every moment and every experience I’ve had.  I especially cherish every new friend I’ve made both in real life and on here.

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster – very high joyful moments and a few low really sad moments (especially in the last couple of days).  But I’m learning to deal with and accept what life is offering me while trying to figure some things out (especially about myself).

But at least I’m living again.

On a happier note, I got a musical education from my friends last night and they’ve made me a new fan of Shakira, Orianthi, and Adam Lambert.  Here are a few of my faves that they played for me last night from each:

Shakira – Waka Waka (World Cup theme song that I apparently had to have been under a rock not to have heard)

Orianthi – According to You (Funny thing about this is that Shawna has been trying to get me to listen to her since last May and I never got around to it)

Adam Lambert – Sleepwalker (Freaking love this song more and more every time I hear it)

Since I joined Weight Watchers in 2006, I’ve heard over and over about how wonderful Trader Joe’s is. As far as I know, the closest one to me here in Kansas City is St. Louis – but I haven’t really checked to make sure. I just know there aren’t any within a reasonable driving distance.

Well, not for long.  Check out this article:

Trader Joe’s to Open Two KC-Area Stores

We’re not getting one store.  We’re getting TWO!  There will be one on each side of the state line (Kansas and Missouri).

So tell me, all of you lucky Trader Joe’s-going people, what are your favorite Trader Joe’s products?  I have no idea when these stores will be opening, but what should I look for?

Keep in mind at some point I actually WILL be back on track with Weight Watchers, but would also love to hear about the occasional “splurge” item, too.

I was grocery shopping today and decided that I wanted to risk having cheese in the house. 🙂  When I got to the cheese aisle, I immediately headed towards my favorite cheese as of late.  Cabot’s 75% Reduced Fat Sharp Cheddar Cheese.  I’m all about the sharp cheddar, so when I found this and discovered that it actually tastes good, you know I fell in love.  Now, if they came out with a 75% Reduced Fat Reduced Sodium kind then screw love, I’d be in lust. 🙂

Every time I’ve bought this particular brand of cheese, it’s always been white – one of the things I like about it.  No added coloring.  So imagine my surprise when I got there today and it was bright orange.  I was like um, okaaaaay.  But then I noticed the kind I usually buy just a short way down the aisle.  Here they are:  No difference whatsoever as far as packaging other than the color of the actual cheese:

Then I decided to check out the ingredients.  The only difference, again, is “annatto (for color)”:

Now tell me, which one was more expensive?  Which one would logically makes sense to be more expensive?  I mean, one of them has an extra ingredient right?

But no.  The one without the added color was more expensive. The orange colored one was $5.25 and the white uncolored one was $5.49.  (Both outrageously expensive in my opinion.)  I paid the extra $0.24 to keep the extra coloring out of my cheese.

I’m just deeply disturbed by what this says about our food industry.  I just don’t get it.

As I mentioned yesterday, I’m still buying various 100 calorie packs.  What can I say?  They’re handy!  But I have made some great strides in the past couple of months.

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I’m a “quantity eater.”  I like to eat.  I like to eat a lot.  I won’t deny it.  I can eat a lot in a very short amount of time.  Um, yeah, pretty much the definition of a binge.

However, you would be so incredibly proud of me! I know I am!  A few months ago, I searched and searched for my favored 100 calorie packs of Cheetos.  I’ve posted so many times about them on here and mentioned many times that while it would be cheaper to buy the big bag of baked Cheetos, I would never be able to trust myself not to eat the whole bag in a day or two.  I tried it once, and measured out the bag in serving portions using Ziploc bags.  Even in the bags, they got stale before I could eat them.  I went back to the 100 calorie packs.  I then tried the big bag again, but just in measuring them out each time.  That lasted about two times until I went on a full-blown “let’s eat the whole bag” binge.

Well, this time around – a couple of months ago – I couldn’t find those darn 100 calorie packs anywhere!  Every store I went to was out of them.  So, I broke down and bought a big bag.  I wanted some, I measured it.  I wanted some, I measured it.  And so it continued…until the bag was gone.  One! Serving! At! A! Time!  I am now on big bag #2 and have had it for over a month and still have quite a bit left in the bag:

Crazy, right?  Oh, but it gets better!

See these??

Those right there have been one of my biggest binge triggers since college.  Seriously, I could finish a whole box off in a day or two (only two because I did have to work and/or sleep).  Serious deliciousness.

But guess what?  I’ve had this box for over two weeks now.  There are still a ton left in that box.  I’ve been measuring out the serving sizes one by one!  Can you believe it?  I hardly can.  (I will admit that there were two (and only two) times that I didn’t measure them out completely, but I used a really small bowl and if it was over the serving size, it wasn’t by much.)

So while my eating in general hasn’t been the greatest and I’m still going over on the weekends (and will likely show a gain tomorrow), I am definitely making some pretty important strides!

Okay…on to my goals.

They’re the same as they have been for a while:

• Drink more water.  I’ve been slipping on this one.  And again, I really pretty much only drink water.  So if I don’t drink much water, I’m not getting nearly enough fluid.
• Get at least eight hours of sleep every night this week.

In regards to my last goal, most of you know that I work some pretty funky hours (well, 2nd shift) and sleep during the day, but I’ve also always had problems sleeping.  I honestly can’t remember the last time that I slept for eight straight hours.  Most often lately, I sleep for four hours, wake up for a while and am lucky to get a couple more hours of sleep after that.  And on the weekend, my schedule flips almost to a normal one with getting up early and going to bed in the evening.  It’s crazy.  I almost always get very very little sleep on Friday nights.  This past weekend was no exception.  In fact, my exhaustion got to me so deeply last night (Sunday night), that while I did keep waking up every few hours, I got almost 11 hours of sleep!

So my goal this week is to get in bed each night with time enough for me to have at least eight hours of sleep.  Ideally, I will be in bed to have at least 9 hours, to account for those times that I wake up.  I’ve been so foggy-headed lately, that I want to see if getting a decent amount of sleep will affect it.  Of course, this is all in prayer that my insomnia doesn’t kick in.

I used to love to sleep and would do it as often as I could.  I loved to dream and could almost always remember my dreams vividly (unfortunately they were nightmares more often than not – but it got to the point where they didn’t phase me).  When my brother died, I stopped enjoying sleeping.  It scared me on a certain level and it also seemed like such a waste of time.  You’ve all heard that saying “I can sleep when I’m dead.”  There were too many other things I wanted to see and do that I couldn’t if I was sleeping (even if it was just watching a stupid TV show).  So after years of this attitude – you can see where it’s gotten me.

This week will be my experiment.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

Today was weigh in day and unfortunately, I showed a 1.1 pound gain.  But surprisingly, I was very okay with it.  While a bit disappointed, I actually had an extremely positive attitude about it all.

First, I had Mexican (chips/salsa, grilled chicken fajitas with sour cream and guacamole) for lunch and then the leftovers for dinner on Saturday.  I snacked way more than I should have late Saturday night – not crazy off-plan things (like ice cream), but definitely more than I should have had and didn’t count it.  Sunday, I had a bagel thin pizza (just a homemade pizza using a bagel thin) and a doughnut for lunch before the game.  I didn’t eat anything at all at the game (victory!), but then had Sonic for dinner, and had two more doughnuts over the course of Sunday evening/night.  On Monday, I was back on track.  So you see, my gain could have been much worse.

Second, remember how I was worried about last week’s huge loss being a fluke?  This weigh in (in a weird twisted way) combined with what I ate over the weekend, makes me think that it really wasn’t a fluke (don’t tell me if you don’t see it that way, ’cause that’s my story and I’m sticking to it).

Third, well, I’m just not bothered by it.  I know that this is a new week and hopefully if I don’t let it “derail” me, I’ll show a loss next week.

Next, to be totally honest, I haven’t been officially tracking my points for the last week or so.  I’ve kind of been trying to follow my own body’s instincts of when it’s hungry and such and mentally tracking the points.  I know that some days I was over my points, but I also know that on other days I was under my points.

One of my favorite things to make when I get home from work now is this skillet thingy.  Not quite sure what to call it.  I’ve been throwing in a bunch of veggies, a teaspoon of olive oil, some balsamic vinegar, a little Mrs. Dash, and either shrimp (surprisingly my favorite) or some naked (unbreaded) chicken nuggets that I got at Costco.  Here is a picture of last night’s version and it was pretty yummy if I do say so myself (and I do):

So here’s to a new week!

I know I owe a couple of you emails, and promise to get to them soon! Just been kind of wiped out lately – haven’t been sleeping too well.

And check out tonight’s sunset!  The blue rays are totally natural and not a product of the photograph.  If you look closely in the upper left corner (of the enlarged version you can see by clicking), you can also see a star!

Hi all! Can you believe that it has been 200 weeks since I joined Weight Watchers? I can’t! Time sure flies. On June 5th, it will have been four years. FOUR YEARS?! What the heck? Where does time go?

So yeah, unfortunately for several months during 2009, I was off plan, but I’m still factoring those weeks in.  And unfortunately, I was up 0.5 pounds at weigh in today.  Ah, well.  You know, seriously, I can’t complain.  It’s the first time I’ve been up since 3/2/10, and it’s not even a whole pound.  And I did 53 minutes on the treadmill last night!  And Sunday was Easter! SO – I’m going to be happy with it.  It could be worse.  Believe me, I’m well aware that it could be worse – again, look at what happened in 2009!

Now, I’m not entirely thrilled with the fact that I weighed 187.9 on week 100 and am now about 64.5 pounds heavier than that, but I’m moving in the right direction again and am making progress.  That’s what matters, right?  Right?!  Right.  😉

Ironically, I went back and checked for what I posted on week 100 and it sounds kind of familiar.  Check it out here (it’s very short – I know, totally unlike me).

Have you guys been following the “Exposed Movement” in the weight loss blog world lately?  This guy is the most recent addition (that I’ve seen).  Go Steve!!  Words can’t express how much I admire these people for doing what they’re doing, but I’m gonna tell you right now.  Not. Gonna. Happen. Here. EVER.  I mean, I love you all, but um, NO.  This is about as “exposed” as I’m ever gonna get on here.

Do any of you all regularly check out PostSecret.com?  Have you seen this week’s postcards?  How about this one:

Talk about deeply disturbing on all kinds of fronts.  Thoughts?

And does anyone else think that airfare charges are getting out of control?  Spirit Airlines is now charging for carry-on bags.

Also, I keep mentioning the banana bread muffins that I like to make, so I thought I would share the recipe.  You can find it here, and you can also get to it via my “Food Ideas” page above.  In fact, I’m eating one right now!

Okay, that’s all I have to share today!  Hope you’re all doing great!

Okay, first, as I suspected, mother nature leaped straight over spring and fell straight into summer – it was 86 here today!  I’m not ready for that yet.  In fact, I swear to God these flowers weren’t by our house yesterday:

This means time for weeding (ha, yeah right) and oh god, mowing soon!!!!

Second, I practically laughed the entire way into work today and am about to blow wide open an undercover conspiracy.  There is a 24 Hour Fitness that I pass almost every day that I’ve considered joining.  The two things that have held me back are that it isn’t very big and that the parking lot isn’t very well lit.  Since I’d most likely go after work in the wee hours of the morning, that’s a no-go for me.  But there used to be a gas station at that corner, that has since gone out of business.  It sat empty for quite a while and then finally it was torn down, and they’ve been building something new.  All along, we’ve been wondering what was going in in its place.  I found out today.

Keep in mind that this location shares a parking lot with 24 Hour Fitness!

I mean, really?!?  A Dunkin Donuts??  Definitely a conspiracy here!  So they’re either thinking you’ll stop and have a donut and feel guilty, so you’ll go work out.  OR  You’ll go work out, be starving, and hit the donut shop on your way out.

This also means that I will have to drive by a Dunkin Donuts every day.  Luckily, I won’t have time to stop on my way to work and they’ll be closed on my way home!

Next, has anyone listened to any Owl City?  I had heard “Fireflies” on the radio and kinda liked the tune. Then my friend from college played “Vanilla Twilight” and I fell in love with it.  Simply an absolutely gorgeous song.  So I thought I would share in case you hadn’t heard it.  I’m also including the video for “Fireflies,” because I just think it’s awesome.

In an amazing incident, a coworker just told me that my food smelled good!  I’ve been eating this the past two nights.  I made kind of a homemade sloppy joe concoction (at least that’s how it turned out after just throwing stuff in the skillet).  But I’ve been eating part of it as a wrap with spinach leaves and ricotta (sorry for the crappy picture – I blame my cell phone):

Wow!  Something I made smells good!  Whoever would have thought?  I’ve been putting spinach leaves in almost everything I make lately and I’ve discovered that I adore ricotta!

And I am dying to have this woman make me something!  I just can’t think of anything yet.  She will draw just about anything you ask on a brown paper bag for $10.

Dietgirl posted this “Sermon on the blog” quite a while back, but I’ve had it tying up a tab in my browser for weeks meaning to share it with you in case you haven’t seen it yet.  Totally awesome!  The second to last item on her list gives me food for thought (ha ha).

Do you guys remember this program from Pizza Hut?  Oh man, for a little book/pizza lover’s heart, it was a match made in heaven.  I lost track of the number of buttons I filled up (you do realize how much I like to read, right?) and free personal pan pizzas I got.  I was interested to see that the program is still running.

I randomly came across another movie called, “On Borrowed Time,” again by accident.  You can check out info on it here, along with the trailer.  I’m not too sure what I think of the premise, but it sounds interesting.

I ran across this somewhere…maybe a blog….I’m not sure.  But I immediately fell in love and immediately ordered some.  I’ve complained enough about thinking of things in the shower or while I’m driving and not being able to write them down.  They’re called Aqua Notes and they take care of the first problem.  You can write on them in the shower, in the tub, under water!!  I’ve tried it out and it works!  Just about the coolest thing ever!

I used mine on Tuesday to write down my weight (since I weigh in right before I shower).  The water is still running in front of the notes in this picture:

I just might have an extra one to give away if anyone is interested…..let me know in the comments if you might be!

Okay, that’s it for this edition of all kinds of fun stuff.

Before I get to the good stuff, I want to put out the disclaimer that every product mentioned in this post was paid for by me, with my money.

First, I’m loving that I’m still on plan.  I’ve missed my treadmill night the past two nights, but am hoping to get back on it soon.  Food-wise, I’m doing good.  Friday, as you know, I had a bit of an unexpected situation, but I dealt with it and tracked it.  Last night, I was so freaking exhausted from stress and lack of good sleep that I had a fairly good-size piece of cake (yup that one that I didn’t think was so great).  But I counted it and didn’t let it sway me off course.  I’m doing good today, as well.  I just had my previously mentioned homemade mac ‘n cheese favorite for dinner (but the portion-controlled variety).  I’m still utterly exhausted – I even had a two hour nap this afternoon and feel like I could sleep for another 12.  But through it all, I haven’t lost my way!

I love the new Thomas’ Bagel Thins.  I’ve had both the “Whole Wheat” and “Everything” varieties and love them both.  While I was afraid to try them at first, I think I might actually like the “Everything” ones a bit better.  You can’t beat one point for a bagel. I’m going to try to make a mini pizza from them tonight for a snack.

While we’re talking about carbs, I’m also loving the Mama Lupe’s Low Carb Wraps (only one point).  I’ve used them for all kinds of things like breakfast burritos:

I love the pre-portioned Weight Watchers cream cheese packets (one point).

I’m loving my Weight Watchers scale that hasn’t failed me a single day in the past 3 1/2 years – still going strong with the same battery – and though there are a few bad reviews, I’ve always gotten a consistent reading (same weight each time I step on it). I remember ordering it the week I started following WW in June 2006. It’s become an old friend:

I’m loving my Terraillon kitchen scale that I got at Dillard’s.  I haven’t had much luck in the digital kitchen scale department.  I originally had one of the Weight Watchers scales, but it constantly timed itself out and shut itself off before I was ready for it to.  Drove me nuts.  I then bought one from Bed, Bath & Beyond that was nothing but a pain in the ass and rarely would actually come on when you wanted it to. This one, I love so much that I re-bought it when I dropped the other one and it broke.  So if you get one, just don’t drop it!  (Though it was on top of the fridge when it fell).  It only has one review on Amazon, a bad one, but I really like mine.

I mentioned the other day that I bought a SurfShelf.  I freaking LOVE this thing.  Using it, time flies by so fast on the treadmill that I barely even realize how long I’ve been on there.  The only thing that I don’t like is that it covers the digital readout, so I have to lift my laptop a bit to check my speed and time.  I can keep track of my time, though, on my laptop clock and not being able to see my speed has actually made me go faster than I normally would.  I think it makes me workout harder because I’m not paying attention to how tired I am and based on my sweat output (eewwwww), I’m definitely working out harder.  The last two nights, I even fogged up my glasses.  The first night, I took some time checking e-mails and such, and then started catching up on The Biggest Loser episodes online.  The next night, I spent almost the entire time reading through blogs.  (Though I almost fell off of it at one point when one blog post had me laughing too hard.)  When I first installed the thing, I was extremely skeptical.  When I strapped the base to the treadmill (before I attached the shelf that the laptop actually sits on), I was thinking that there was no way it was going to work.  It just didn’t seem sturdy.  Even with my laptop strapped to it, I was wondering, but I now feel very secure about it.  I have even bumped it up with my arm a couple of times and it didn’t go anywhere.  Two overall two thumbs up.

I’m loving that my friend, Riley, is in a magazine.  I mentioned this the other day, but I ran to two Barnes and Nobles this weekend before I found it and bought two copies.  So happy for her!  (Of course, the fact that one of my favorite actors, Shia LaBeouf, just happens to be on the cover didn’t escape my notice.) Go Riley! I’m also loving that she and Shawna are vacationing in Hawaii right now (What is the deal? Seems like everyone I know is going this year), but am so jealous!  Though going to Hawaii would involve bathing suits and that’s not. ever. gonna. happen.

I snuck a Dove milk chocolate promise from my mom’s stash yesterday (I counted it!) and love what it said inside:

Another thing I’m loving (always) are your blogs!  Seriously.  You guys keep me going!

As far as what I’m not loving right now:

I’m not loving that I accidentally left a kleenex in my pocket when I threw my laundry in tonight.  Argh!  I hate that!

I’m not loving that we have to tail my dad every time he does the stairs – and I know he hates it, too.  I’m sure it’s going to get annoying for him real fast if it hasn’t already.  But it’s necessary right now and we’re looking into several temporary options until we can figure out something more permanent.

I’m not loving that it’s Sunday night. Why do the weekends go by so fast?!

So anyway, I just thought I’d share some of what I’m loving (and disliking) right now! Of course, I’m also loving that so many other people who have seen it are loving that movie that I won’t name. 😉

I did some minor tweaking to my site earlier (very minor), such as adding previous and next post links within individual posts (so you don’t have to go back to the main blog page), adding time stamps to my posts (I may or may not leave this turned on), rearranged some things in my sidebar, and added a Google Friend Connect box.  Please take pity on me! 🙂

Again, I hope you all had a fantastic weekend! Is there anything you’re loving right now that you’d like to share with me?