Hi folks. So I figured it was about time that I wrote a legitimate blog post since most of mine lately have been my 30 Days of Lists entries. Hope you haven’t been minding them. They’ve been kind of fun for me and have been getting me back in the swing of writing on here…kind of.
There hasn’t been a lot going on with me lately. Well, okay, there has, but most of it has been internal, brain/emotion kind of stuff. I’ve really truly been on a roller coaster ride the past several weeks.
I’ve had some truly happy moments. Learned some things. Had some new experiences. Heard some things that made me smile. Had some moments where I felt beautiful and confident and good about myself. Had some fun moments that made me laugh ridiculously hard.
But I’ve also had some truly rock bottom low moments. Moments where I’ve been stressed out over work or worried beyond belief. Moments where I’ve felt nothing but disgust and hatred for myself. Moments of disappointment and sadness.
I won’t go into details. And those aren’t pretty or attractive things to share, but I’m being honest. I’m not proud of those moments. But they’re there.
And those ups and downs are pretty much life. I’m still working on accepting myself. I posted once that there was a certain peace that comes with realizing that you will forever be a work in progress. Well, sometimes even I forget that and begin to panic that I’m not who I want to be. Don’t have my dream job. Aren’t where I want to be in my life or thought I would be in my life by this point. Don’t look the way I want or have the body I want. Some of those things are things I can work on. Some of those things will never or may never be.
Unfortunately, I saw a number on the scale this week that I swore I would never see again. It sunk me into a pretty deep spiral. I’m determined to get back on top of things. I’m down 2.5 lbs since I weighed in at the beginning of the week. So we’ll see. I’m not going to talk big anymore. I know where my weaknesses are and I’m tired of letting myself down. So I’m just going to say that I’m going to do the best I can.
That’s all I can do…about anything.