I Saw Light

Some of you may not know, but until recently, I worked until midnight Monday-Friday.  I did this for over seven years.  Originally, it had a lot of benefits.

  • I liked the people that worked on nights better
  • It was a bit less stressful/rushed
  • It helped me avoid life after my brother died

Well, last summer, I started meeting new friends. I started dating a bit.  I started living.  And the fact that I worked until midnight started annoying the hell out of me.  I got so tired of seeing friends posting about what they were doing or what they had planned and realizing that I was missing out on so much.  (Granted, not that I do all that much more now…but the option is there.  Some weeks are busier than others.)

So at the end of September, I mentioned being interested in changing my hours – shifting them a bit earlier – to my supervisor.  Surprisingly, she agreed and within a week, at the beginning of October, I started getting off work at 9pm on Mondays and 8pm the rest of the week.

Still not ideal.  Still not all that early.  But early enough to make a huge difference in my life.

The past few weeks, I’ve been thinking about the coming months and started to realize that summer is coming.  I typically am not a huge fan of summer – I HATE (no, despise) the heat.  But it started me thinking…and then daylight savings time hit and made me think harder…

Wow, I bet it’ll be cool during the summer when it’s actually still light when I leave work!

Well, tonight, I saw light.

As I was driving home, I saw this:

It’s kind of hard to tell as I couldn’t get a pic of the horizon…but there is light here.  The sky is usually black when I leave work.

I don’t think I can describe the emotions that went through me…that little bit of light made all the difference in the world.  I found hope in that bit of light.  I started thinking about all of the ways that my life has changed in the past year and all of the new things that I’ve experienced, the new friends I’ve made, and all of the joys and sorrows I’ve held.  All of the living that I’ve done.  And it almost brought tears to my eyes.


THIS is what I’ve been missing the past seven years.  Hope. Life. Friends. Love. Freedom.

Even when I was at my lowest weight, I was missing several of these things.  And it’s greatly ironic to me that now that my weight is where I really don’t want it to be, I’m finding them.

Tonight, I saw light.

Every night, I now see the potential for really living.

Category: Life in General
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10 Responses
  1. Rebecca says:

    Your words are as beautiful as you. And you make some excellent points, too.

    We are creatures who need sunlight, otherwise we would be vampires, right? (Vampires reading here, ummm, no offense, seriously.) :)

    I had surgery almost six weeks ago and have finally this week been able to get out for my regular sunrise walks. What a difference!

  2. Hanlie says:

    I love the hope in this post! Good for you for seeing the light!

  3. Diana says:

    Pamela, I love this post. Your best one ever. :)

  4. merri says:

    what time do/did you get to work though? it must have been later in the day (i hope)?

    • Pamela says:

      When I worked until midnight, I didn’t have to go in until 4:30. Now I go in between noon and 1pm. Not too bad!

      • merri says:

        im JEALOUS! you get to sleep in!

        • Pamela says:

          LOL True! But it also tends to wreak havoc with my social life (when I went in at 4:30, I pretty much didn’t have one at all!)

          • merri says:

            ya i guess…waking up before 7am, im so tired that by the time i get home each nite at 8, 830, im WAY too tired to go out and have a social life either. i think working is not conducive to being social, period. Lol.

          • Pamela says:

            LOL I totally agree! And wow – those are some long days you keep! I don’t know how you do it. I totally understand being too tired to go out by the time you get home.

          • merri says:

            well i get up at quarter of 7, get to work by 9 (ish, im always late) then work till 530, workout, and get home by 8/830. all that on top of being a night owl! leads to days like today when i totally CANT focus..

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